How To Avoid Police Roadblock

As we drove down the road half drunk or speeding at 160km/h down the road hoping to catch the Manchester United match or some kinky fun with your wife/husband, then somehow out of nowhere those police will just appear to slap you with a big piece of "Ba Qua"(BBQ PORK). The time where each and everyone of us will automatically yelled "FUCK" in our heart. To make things worse, they can't seem to bring themselves to go "minum kopi" with you.

Idiots At Their Best Series Part 4

For the rest on the "Idiots At Their Best Series", check here. I personally named this post SHIT HAPPENS.
To start off, I confess that I took pleasure in laughing at idiots. Before you judge me, I'm gonna clarify that the idiot who I laughed at the most is none other than me myself. It's true that I laugh at myself and I do tell out my embarrassing stories at times to keep people happy. So, to be fair to all the idiots I blogged about in my past series, I'm gonna blog about myself on this one.

There are many idiotic things I had done before in my life so I just gonna share 3 stories with you guys today. I do not mind embarrassing myself once awhile for I believe people only truly learns and progress when they learn to laugh at themselves.

Story No.1


Do anyone of you guys hate ants? I don't actually hate bugs but recently ants had been getting on my nerves. My hatred towards them when they start infesting my room with no good reasons. Despite me wiping the table countless of times, they just keep coming. I do not know why for I am not diabetic or I kept way too many sweet stuff in my room. Probably coz I'm a sweet guy myself so I don't really know. *Yeah, I can guess eyes are rolling now*

So when I was just typing away on my previous lesbian post, I was drinking Starbucks bottled coffee at the same time. I unconsciously left the bottle open despite having about a quarter left while I'm busy arranging photos. I blame it on the hot lesbian actions that made me so distracted that I didn't know ants had already infested my bloody coffee that time. So without any hesitation, I drank only after 10 minutes leaving it alone and guess what? I felt something crawling in my mouth. I GULP IT AND ONLY REALIZED ANTS ARE ALL OVER MY BOTTLE. You can imagine what disaster happen next with me cursing loudly in my hostel while rushing over to wash my hands and mouth. I rinse my mouth to found out more than 10 bloody ants there. Who knows how many I had swallowed. I guess that's the loudest moment I yelled "MCB!! FUCK!!!!!!"

Story No.2

Another animal I really fucking hate are cats. Although I'm a dog person but I did not held any grudges or hatred towards cats before not until this incident happen. My hostels are infested with cats. When I say infested, it doesn't mean one or two but definitely more than 10. So, naturally these creatures will just walk right around our hostel area and basically rummage through the rubbish bins and shit everywhere in the hostel area. My roommate at that time did post up several notice to remind the hostel mates to close the door to prevent cats from entering and making the mess out of the premise. However, I do not understand why these fucking idiots can't read simply English and often ignores it.


Then one day, one of those cats decided to give me a little gift. I think it should actually directed towards my roommate that time since he dislikes cats and often kicks them to chase them out while I didn't do anything to them. But somehow, I got a bit luckier than he did. A fucking cat decides to shit in front of my room early in the morning. I woke up half awake due to lack of sleep and just blindly walk out of my room. And I stepped those fucking hot steamy shit BAREFOOTED. The only thing that prevents me from cursing "KNNBCCB" loudly and taking every available objects preferably durians to throw at every single fucking living cats in that hostel is my roommate is still asleep. That lucky bastard got away despite treating cats like that. He do reads my blog and should be laughing his ass off right now.

Story No.3

Have you ever saw a complete stranger that looks exactly like someone you knew? I am often being misunderstood as a senior in my high school and I always get a certain unwanted attention from it. I might say we two really look similar and I guess none will suspect anything if we claim we are brothers.

Once, I saw a person who resembles my friend who I had not met for several years. I thought of going over to say hi and be polite because we used to be very close. You guys must think that these sort of things happen often where you apologize quickly. Not in my situation. Having a playful nature really do drags me towards the lowest point of humiliation. Guess what I did? I went over his back, slap his ass and place my hand around his shoulder thinking acting gay might be a good ice breaker. That guy was not only shocked but also terrified that I'm gay and I'm about to rape him.

Imagine that awkward moment. Even though I quickly apologize after realizing my mistake, I had that person thinking that I'm gay. Imagine the awkward moment. Can that awkwardness be any stronger? Apparently it can. I had to stay there to wait for my friend while he had to stay there to wait for his. I had to walk to another place after 10 minutes being there and call my friend to meet up at another spot. I bet that guy still thinks I'm gay. Awkwardness and misunderstanding at their best.

That's all for now, I guess. There are many more idiotic moments of myself. may be when I feel like humiliating myself, then I will post them in the future. Signing off.

Idiots At Their Best Series Part 3

Ok...Just in case any of you guys missed the initial Part 1 and Part 2, and hence had nothing else better to do and wanted to read about it...Below are the links for you

Part 1
Part 2

This post will question you people what is the lamest or funniest pick up attempts anyone witnessed? I know more guys will end up commenting on this topic like most I've seen. Some of them wanted to impress girls by proclaiming how lame those attempts were and some wanted to prove to girls that not all guys are retards. I've seen one attempt by a guy who tried to pick up my friend.


I left the 3 poor girls alone while I talk to mine at the time on the phone. And that guy eventually go up to them and try to get to know them a little. When I got back, that guy was standing over my seat while trying his best not to choke on himself by speaking in mandarin. Unfortunately for him, all the 3 friends of mine were bananas like me and they know nuts about mandarin. the best ever line that one of them come out with is "We don't know mandarin".

As soon as i got back my seat, that guy apparently tried to speak in english but end up failing badly but he is still persistent. And this 3 girls are giving me a stare with indicates "Why the fuck are you keeping quiet? Say something and make him go away." but I was being a jackass totally enjoying how the whole event turns out. Finally, I lied to him that we are from Singapore and we won't be staying here for long. Before he left he shoke my friends' hand by introducing each other but when he went over to mine, I struck the sword through his heart by saying this.

"Haiya, guys no need wan la. Girls enough la. You also not interested"

You should look how he blushed and try to explain himself. Ok, I am a jackass at times. But you got to give him effort for trying. I thought that was actually quite admirable of him except being screwed by me at the end. But the main point of this post is not this, sorry if I made you read so long for nuts. Like I said, I'm a jackass.

There is this guy who is in the same university as me really open up a new chapter in impressing the ladies. We had this co-curriculum activity called "trekking" which involves the students who signed up to go for some dumb camping trip. The people that told me this (I don't label them as friends because not really close) said that this guy had a unique way of trying to impress the ladies which is......

Talking to a goat...

Of coz, he can't speak goat unless the goat had a supernatural ability to speak English and respond to this..

"Yo, yo brother wassup. Long time no see bla bla bla" (he really did say that)

Ok, unless he's really related to goats or THAT goat in particular, I can't see which part of this attempt will land you girls. Besides landing you the label of "retard", I don't think anyone will be impressed by that. The group of people behind him just trying very hard not to laugh and the girls reportedly trying very hard not to laugh as well. Not laughing him for being cute or charming but laughing him for his stupidity.

Did he get to know any girls from that attempt? If he had, then he would not have appear in this post. I do not have the picking up girls skills to laugh at him but that definitely isn't even near brilliant. So much for being creative.

That's all from me this time. Do leave a comment on what you regard the latest attempt you saw or experienced or done. Wait...I shouldn't request that since more guys will commentinstead of girls...LOL

Idiots At Their Best Series Part 2

This is one of the funniest incident that I've heard in my whole life. My brother told me this story for quite some time ago and even before I started this blog. So, I do not know the actual conversation but only a rough wan. But what I'm about to write really happened and I'm not shitting anyone about this unless my brother conned me about the truth of this story. I do not know the people involved here but I hope you guess will enjoy this story as I do.

This 2 friends were in a trip to somewhere which required quite a long journey and I assume they were in some "kampung-like" place. As they were driving along, the following incident took place.


A: Dude, I wanna tell you something
B: What?
A: I feel like shitting..
B: What the fuck?? We just passed by the petrol station. Why don't you say earlier la...
A: Haiyo...That time no feel yet ma...Seriously, I want to shit already
B: We gonna reach our destination in 30 minutes time. Tahan la.. Now cannot see any place with toilet also..
A: Fuck..I cannot tahan liao...Stop roadside for me settle la...
B: Ok ok..I don't want shit smell in my car also..

B stopped his car by the road side while A get off and settle his business. 5 minutes later, A came calling to B while still covering himself.

A: Eh, you got tissue with you ah?
B: Huh? Don't have le. My car no tissue le.
A: What the fuck? How am I gonna wipe my ass?
B: Use leaf la. So many.
A: Fuck you. The leaf so small. Not big enough la. And I cannot find any dried leaves nearby.
B: Shit. how ah?

Pause momentarily...

B: Eh, you got RM 1 with you right now?

A: Got ah..Why? Here where got shop sell toilet paper wor?
B: Haiya...Not ask you go buy toilet paper la..
A: Huh? Then? wait....You mean.......What the fuck...Need or not? Money le....
B: If not? What to do? No tissue la. That's your only choice. Use already then wash. Can use back lo.....
A: Fuck la...Sure or not...I dunno about this...Using money le...
B: then? You wanna leave your ass unwipe ah? What other choice do you have? You got better choice then you say out la.
A: Arghhhh...Fuck it...Ok ok, I'll do it

Moments passed and A came limping back..

A: Eh, Dude...RM1 not enough le
B: RM 1 not enough then use another RM 1 or use RM 5 lo.....What so hard wor?
A: FUCK YOU LA..WHERE GOT SO MANY SMALL CHANGE?
B:?!?!?!?!?!?

Apparently A had used this....


Instead of using RM 1 notes to wipe, he used 2 50 cents coin to scrap the shits off his ass hole and ass crack. Naturally, B laughed his ass off while screwing his friend for doing that. After the whole ordeal, they went to a restaurant. They cleaned the money up and uses them on the spot. I would not want to go where they had went...

Creative people finding a whole new meaning and usage of money.

P.S: The whole incident really took place and I did not made this up. The actual comversation might not be fully correct but it is 100% identical in terms of contents and meaning. I just retold the thing according to how I remembered my brother told me. hope you people enjoy this posts.

Idiots At Their Best Series Part 1

The world is full of idiots. I'm serious when I made this statement. How often do you people grumble at the sight of an idiot or a slightest hint of idiotic behavior shown by your peers? Everyone is an idiot including ME. I'm not trying to make a statement where everyone is an idiot except me...I'm a realist and I speak what I think is more likely the case to be rather than drowning myself in delusions. I think it is a good share among my fellow readers regarding idiots or idiotic event that occurs in my everyday life.

For part 1, I'm gonna share with you people an encounter with an idiot which eventually become a punchline joke among Soon, Heng and me. This is how the encounter goes.

As we were walking around the newly opened Jusco in Taman Bukit Indah, we came across a Phiten retail outlet. For those ignorant people out there( Don't worry, I was one ), Phiten had invented these type of bracelets, necklace, straps and so on that will balance your mind and body. It draws out the maximum potential of your ability which means you can play sports better, carrying things much easier, able to maintain freshness and hopefully FUCK better. Basically it balances the charge around your body and prevents fatigue from occuring too often.

This is Phiten...

Datuk Lee Chong Wei wore them...See the necklace?

Being a bunch of curious Industrial Design students, we decided to walk in to inquire about the product and also hopefully know how the hell a bloody string can help us do so much. I was hoping for something more. May be this could eventually lead to MULTIPLE ORGASM that men could not achieve? May be I could fuck for hours and have no problem bedding more than 5 women at once? May be I could make my mark as a legendary pornstar that could fuck for hours and filmed 10 different porn movies in a day? If I found out the secret, I could eventually create my own brand and distribute them to porn stars? Yeah, I could hear you guys yelling at me for being an idiot but it's nothing compare to what happen next.

I broke the multi-million question to that guy and the conversation goes like this....(the actual conversation is in Mandarin but I am a banana..translate the whole thing to Mandarin and it would be much nicer)

Me: What is the technology behind all these products?

Promoter: Pardon? What were you asking? (either my Mandarin was bad or his Mandarin was bad too)

Heng: What is the technology that make people who wear this can be like that? In terms of engineering and material, what make them possible? We want to know what kind of technology is it....

Promoter: Oooohhhh...(and I QUOTE) Technology is Technology

We: Huh?!?

Promoter: Technology is technology...I explain to you all also you all won't understand. It waste our time....So we just call it TECHNOLOGY......(smiles and smirk as though he just struck an lottery)

We: ........

Heng: Yeah, that's why i ask....what technology?

Promoter: Technology is technology....There is no definite explanation, that's why we call it technology

We figure it's impossible to converse anymore...Heng continues to entertain him while I walk off....This IDIOT is a fucking pro and genius is using his idiotic reasoning to make us feel like COMPLETE IDIOTS......I feel like a complete idiot for even asking...There goes my quest for men's multiple orgasm.......